A Short Break…
When we got back from an almost two week trip from Europe, our six year had been temporarily supplanted by someone I didn’t recognize. He got upset and cried about the smallest things. He told me “No” consistently when asked to do anything. He started throwing himself on the floor and crying. I tried the usual methods of talking through his feelings together. I tried hugs and positive reinforcement. I tried time-outs. I started to yell. I hate yelling. I was jet-lagged and on the plane ride home I had caught one of the worst colds I’ve ever had. I was in the midst of finals. And now, I was yelling at a little kid, who I loved more than just about anything else in the world. So, I took a break. I finished classes. I focused on self-care. And I worked with my kid, who was lost and fighting me like mad. I stopped the extra stuff for a little while, and I dug in. I’ve been in this situation before. When our oldest was little, he would go through phases of testing his limits. I would spend some time focusing on and ensuring those limits were very clear with no wavering. My youngest is a bit tougher. Like I said, he’s a fighter. This is going to be a great thing for him one day, but it’s trying when toeing the line of willpower and damaging behavior. So I sat with him. We each brought him to activities we could do with just him. We met with the boys’ teachers to ensure this wasn’t affecting their schoolwork or relationships with friends. When we broke through the layers of anger and sadness, we discovered all he needed was some extra one-on-one time. It wasn’t that he missed us terribly. He had fun with his grandparents while we were gone. He hadn’t been given free reign or a lack of rules. He just needed to adjust to having us back. He wanted his mommy and daddy to come back and be with him. He wanted to really make sure our love was still there. He was screaming this at us through his behavior, but like someone speaking another language, yelling louder doesn’t give better understanding. Luckily, we found our way back to what works for our family. Sometimes we owe our kids a little break so we can translate their feelings. Sometimes we owe ourselves a little break to heal and be better parents. So, thanks for allowing me a break so we could enjoy the holiday adventures. We will be catching up over the next few weeks on posts. In the meantime, happy holiday season!
